This week on the podcast, Cayly and I are revisiting the topic of relationships and diving into some potentially uncomfortable territory to talk about the possibility of creating rules in your relationship that fall outside the box of societal expectations.
The question we’re addressing throughout the entirety of the conversation is:
What happens when you get curious about the kind of relationship you really want and make space for the idea that the answer might be unconventional?
Getting in touch with your desires and designing a relationship with your partner — or multiple partners — that takes all of those desires into account can be a scary but ultimately liberating process. In today’s episode, Cayly and I discuss the ways in which this process might unfold over time and offer advice about how to initiate a dialogue with your partner that might be challenging and bring with it a ton of discomfort for both of you.
We’re also talking about how we define a successful relationship and exploring the ways in which our culture often gets this definition wrong.
This conversation is SO GOOD, you guys. Seriously. And there are SO MANY amazing resources offered up — all of which are provided with links in the show notes below.
As always, sharing is caring, so please forward this episode to a friend who might also benefit from the information. Or, you know, share it with your partner and use our conversation as a jumping off point for your own.
And, finally, please head over to the show page on iTunes and leave us a 5-star rating. It’s super easy and we would be ever so grateful if you would do us this small favor and help more folks find the podcast. Much love and many thanks!
Direct Download (Right click to download)
Highlights from this weeks’ episode include:
- The importance of having clearly defined boundaries and expectations in a relationship
- What happened when Cayly realized she doesn’t want to get married and her unconventional proposal to her boyfriend
- Tracey’s experience of getting married in her 20s, divorced in her 30s, and how she feels about marriage now
- How the idea of intertwining finances with another person played into Cayly’s feelings about marriage
- Can you renegotiate the rules of a relationship repeatedly over the years? What does that look like?
- The process of deciding to open a relationship as the individuals in that relationship evolve and change
- Jealousy and navigating this within an intimate partnership
- Infidelity and why people cheat
- Why it is important to have hard, uncomfortable conversations in intimate partnerships
- Is there ever a time for not being 100% honest in a relationship?
- Evolutionary biology and the science of love and relationships
- Intimate Relationship as a Spiritual Crucible by John Welwood
- How do we define a successful relationship?
- Dan Savage and the Savage Lovecast
- How the ending of a relationship can be both sad and transformative
- Painful experiences are not necessarily “bad”
- Practicing investment without attachment in relationships
- Erich Fromm and The Art of Loving
- How do we define love?
- Making space for both people in a relationship to change, grow, and become different versions of themselves
- The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships, & Other Adventures by Janet W. Hardy
- Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships by Tristan Taormino
- Passionate Marriage: Keeping Love and Intimacy Alive in Committed Relationships by David Schnarch
- Esther Perel on Tim Ferriss’s podcast
- Esther Perel on TED: Keeping desire alive and Rethinking infidelity
- John Gottmann and The Gottmann Institute
- And more!
This week’s animal spotlights from the Pixie Project:
JERRY, an 11 year-old toy poodle weighing in at 10lbs, was our first ever animal spotlight. And he still hasn’t been adopted! You know what this means . . . We need your help to find him a home. So even if you can’t adopt him yourself, forward his profile to a friend — or all of your friends. I’d love to see Jerry go home with his new owner by the end of the month. Help us make this happen!
CALLIE, a 7-year-old tortoiseshell lady I admittedly picked because her name so closely resembles my own. That being said, she sounds like the purrfect pet — super mellow, loves laps, is great with other animals, both cats and dogs alike. So, yeah, you know you want Callie, right? Check out her profile and then take her home, yo.
And good news! BON BON, a beautiful black lab mix recently featured on the podcast, has an adoption pending. Hooray! This makes my heart so happy. Let’s keep it up and continue to find wonderful new owners for all these furry friends.
Once again, reviews are appreciated! Better yet, go subscribe in iTunes! If you’ve been enjoying the show and have found any of the episodes useful, please consider giving us a 5-star rating by clicking the stars and adding a review, if you feel so inclined. It would make Tracey and myself so very happy if you did so.
Thanks again for listening! We so appreciate the support!